Sex and Second Life

Surprised Cat
This is what I looked like when I googled ‘Second Life Sex’ trying to find an image for this post.
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I know, I know, it’s a clickbait headline, but it really is what this post is about. 🙂

Lately, I have come across several posts and discussions about the subject.

Becky wrote a post about people’s views and activities concerning sex in SL.

I tried to participate in her survey, but alas, since I am not sexually active in SL, I didn’t get past question 1. 😛

Her survey showed some interesting perspectives about people’s views on sex in SL.

For many users (including me), SL isn’t about sex at all.

I saw another blog post from Ella over at SL Naturist.

She discussed Becky’s post and her take, including the viewpoints of some older men who are her friends.

Many people come to SL to enjoy the social aspect, which does not HAVE to include sex.

Ella’s post included a link that pointed me to the Prim Dolls blog, where Deoridhe has a whole series of posts on horrible (though often hilarious) encounters with sex-seekers.

Becky had also written a post about her feelings on random IM’s from men.

After reading through the various comments of those on Becky’s blog who commiserated about the whole situation, and reading through several of Deoridhe’s posts, I’m left scratching my head.

I can’t remember the last time someone randomly IM’d me with some lame line, looking for sex.

In fact, I’m not sure it’s ever happened to me.

I’ve never randomly received a dick pick from a stranger.

(In case you’ve ever thought sending a dick pick was a good idea, in RL or SL, check out this video of RL women and their reactions to dick picks.)

In fact, the only really comparable thing I can think of that’s happened to me was once when I was rehearsing.

I was at a dance venue, going over my routine for the next’s day performance.

I was wearing a rather revealing outfit from r2, and while rehearsing, received a random IM from some stranger complimenting me on a certain piece of my anatomy.

I was taken aback at first, but I simply said ‘Thanks,’ and promptly closed the IM box.

The person lingered on radar for another few minutes and then left.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m totally over the moon that I’m not constantly hit on by strangers for sex, because I can imagine how annoying it can be.

But – what gives?

Do I smell?

Am I not pretty enough?

Do I give off a ‘not in million years’ vibe and so no one bothers?

Is my profile somehow unfriendly?

Am I not hanging out at the right (wrong?) places?

What about you?

Is sex a large part of the reason you’re in SL?

What’s the most hilarious/awful pick-up line you’ve gotten (or given)?

10 thoughts on “Sex and Second Life

  1. Perplexed and as usual, laughing my head off . . . at myself!!! (Mainly because of my own reputation which – – – – has me apparently busier than any human being could ever accomplish even with 96 hour days.)

    A. You are extremely attractive in sl, Kat.

    And B. Yes you do give off an air of “unavailability” and I’m not in any way capable of explaining it.

    In spite of the referenced reputation, I don’t use pick up lines. I get hit on – a lot. Being a male being hit on by females, I can not say that I don’t enjoy it . . . the “being hitted upon.” I take it as a huge complement. I sincerely do always try to be a gentleman in all occasions. I try to respond in some friendly but asexual manner. Being perceived as too dumb to realize the purpose of the conversational exchange is usually enough to head matters in a different direction without inflicting rejection.

    Everything else I might say on the subject is covered by the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.

  2. You are crazy sexy, Ms. Kat! I don’t really know you other than your blog and pictures of your avi, but I get the feeling you carry yourself and speak with intelligence and class – and my guess is most gents figure intelligence+class =/= easy and freaky in the sack (although I’m fairly certain that math is off).

    You could even get scientific about it – get yourself a microkini and a ‘come hither’ AO…maybe tweak your physics layer just a bit. Then find yourself an A rated beach (the Skinny Dip Inn springs to mind) and just go for a walk. I’ll betcha you’re hit on inside of 10 minutes. Oh! Then, as a control, go back in a business suit with a less provocative AO and see if it elicits a different response. I might try this…

    Wonderful post – I really enjoyed it!

    1. Actually, I had the same idea myself, so I will have to try it!! Good point about the physics – I’ll have to remember that in the experiment!

    2. Physics layers are completely new and foreign to me! I found a freebie pack somewhere so I *have* some in my inventory, but I must have turned the Avatar Physics setting down to 0 in my preferences as they don’t seem to actually accomplish anything.

      That said, do people still use Physics on the regular? I don’t personally get titillated (pun totally intended) by jiggling bits, so it’s not really something I’ve ever thought about.

      1. I use them occasionally when I dance, just for the added realism. But with the advent of mesh, they don’t really work as intended, since your boobs move but the mesh doesn’t, leading to a weird game of ‘nipple peek-a-boo.’ 😛 However, I’ve also witnessed people who have them turned up so high that it just ends up looking comical. (Seriously, it looks like they could poke out an eye with them.)
        I don’t use them nearly as much as I used to, and in fact, have gotten in the habit of turning them down on my own viewer. That way we’re all happy – they can jiggle to their heart’s delight and I don’t have to watch a breast-wrestling match!

      2. I think it depends on the arena, but there is no end of bounce and sway at many beaches and nightclubs. The golf course? Not as much. 😉

  3. I’m laughing my fool head off right now. Although it doesn’t happen often, I have received 2 dickpics, 1 random man landing at my coffee house in nothing but his Johnson who asked me if I wanted to have sex and the occasional IM which starts out like a bad scene from a construction site.. “hey there cupcake (insert funny Winnie name here) you wanna have sex? Ok….
    A) No
    B) Wear some pants
    C) even though it will never, ever happen….you could try to sweet talk a girl a little first!

    I’m guessing there’s a reason why some of these folks are looking for pixel sex, because heaven knows, if they tried these lines out in RL, they would never make it out of a bar without wearing most of the drinks being held by women.

    Ironically, even with all of the dancing that I do, I get some generous tips, but never a proposition *sniffs armit*. Perhaps my intimate knowledge of baseball and hockey scares them away? Maybe they think I’m a dude (but I’m not). Who knows, but it makes for a much nicer time for me to be able to perform the way I want to without the associated potential harassment.

    On the other hand, I know folks who are physically incapable of things in RL due to illness or injury or fear of social reprisal and I would never begrudge them the intimacy that they have found a way to enjoy. We all deserve the right to be happy, however we define that for ourselves.

    1. I’m rolling on the floor at ‘wear some pants’!! Actually, I’m not even sure if the thought that a female avi ‘might be a dude’ matters to some, given that it appears they IM every female in the room sometimes. Playing the odds, I suppose. If you ask enough people, someone’s gotta say yes, right?
      I have no problem with people who find great relationships via/within SL – I met my RL husband in SL.
      I agree, performing without the added *ahem* compliments is nice. But given that these situations seem to happen to others so often, it seems strange that it doesn’t happen at least ‘sometimes.’
      I may try and experiment and report back on this whole situation – hopefully I’ll get some killer blog material!!

  4. Kat I fear that you may have perceived something negative in my response where I said, “A. You are extremely attractive in sl, Kat.

    “And B. Yes you do give off an air of “unavailability” and I’m not in any way capable of explaining it,”

    Both statements were intended to be extremely complimentary, with absolutely nothing negative intended. I honor you for what you are in sl. I didn’t mention that in addition to being “attractive” you are also extremely personable, likable, friendly and possess many many more “good” attributes.

    My response was self centered and I know to some it probably sounded like I’m really egotistical, which I’m really not, and is definitely a personality trait I do not want to project.

    You asked your readers “Is sex a large part of the reason you’re in SL?” and my answer should have been yes. SL, RL and every other L – sex is very important to me. And as an aside, in SL – no brag just fact – I do get “hit on.”

    I do wonder if you are not a bit like my SL Wife and Partner/Business Partner Lotta. She also says guys don’t “hit on her.” And she’s so good hearted, and friendly and never sees any “bad” in anyone until they very obviously illustrate Bad, she doesn’t recognize that men do come on to her. But it definitely happens. Just not in the obtuse, overt way that you describe in the bulk of your blog. 🙂

    You – and my Lotta – are so close to perfect just the way you are. I’m – – – a bit distressed at the idea of your “experiments” to seek attention from men whose attention you don’t really want. And certainly don’t need.

    1. Aww, Path – you’re so sweet. ❤ First, no, I did not take anything negative away from your initial comment. I am not looking for sex in SL, so I'm totally fine with giving off that air. 😛 That said, my curiosity was more about trying to figure out *how* I do that, with the hopes of sharing that with others who seem to want it. (That was a convoluted though, hope you followed it!)
      Second, as I told Winnie, I have no issue at all with people who are sexually active in SL – it's your SL, live it how you want. I have the same attitude in RL – if you like it, go for it (as long as you aren't harming others by doing so). I think sex is very important to a lot of people – SL and RL, and you did not seem at all egotistical to me just because you revealed that you get hit on.
      Third, thank you so much for being so thoughtful. *hugs* I have been pondering the idea of the experiment and trying to think it through. Again, my initial thought was to possibly identify what makes me come off as 'unavailable' so that maybe others could try the same, in hopes of cutting down on a situation that obviously causes them some distress. However, you're completely right about it – it would be unfair to put myself and others in a situation that I have no intention of following through on. Thank you for thinking (and worrying) about me. 🙂

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